E esta hem?

Meus caríssimos, no ultimo almocinho no Piolho, uns velhotes que se intoxicam com kentuckes e sg ventil, começaram a resmungar devido à fumarada que o pessoal sério e bem formado como nós, estávamos a fazer.
Quer dizer, fumar Backwoods, é fazer fumarada? Aquilo deixa um aroma achocolatado no ambiente, limpando o clima daquele cheiro infernal a cigarros.
È preciso ser-se muito mal agradecido.
O brigada do SG não entende mesmo.
Por isso mesmo, fica aqui a transcrição de um editorial da Pipes and Tobaccos magazine, revista americana sobre o tema. Em jeito de piada, mostra bem até onde vai a incompreensão.

Arriverdeci
Mr D

Of Tobacco and prostates

As a kid I always felt a sense of accomplishment with doctor appointments. They reassured me that I was taller, hairier, stronger and progressively thriving toward manhood. But now, these visits inevitably indicate that I’m shorter, fatter, balder- and as for manhood, well, I’ve been thinking a lot about getting a sports car.
Those congratulatory doctor visits of my youth have now become exercises in humiliation and recrimination practiced by knee-jerk smoke bigots with the subject of smoking in the preliminary routine interrogation. Sitting naked inside the giant paper they provide, I know the argument that will follow, so I take a firm, no-nonsense stand on the issue: “Of course I smoke. I’m a man , aren’t I?” Nurses don’t like assertiveness, but you have to retain your dignity.
“well, the Chart says you are…say, are you still taking Viagra, Mr Man?”
Ouch! So much for dignity. “ hey, that was a one-time thing; I’d been under a lot of stre-“
“You know, quitting cigarettes would help.”
“ I´ don’t smoke cigarettes. I smoke pipes. And I don’t need any help!”
“ Pipes?-hmm, you seem to have gained some weight-pipes and cigarettes are the same thing”
“They are not the same thing- hey, it’s a only couple of pounds- and statistically, pipe smokers live longer than nonsmokers.”
Your pulse is a bit high-you are mistaken about that life span, by the way. How much do you smoke?”
About 50 grams a week. Yes, my pulse accelerates when my conscious lifestyle decisions are perfunctorily dismissed.”
“ How many cigarettes is that?”
“It’s not cigarettes. It’s pipe tobacco.”
“All right, about how many cigarettes would it be if it was cigarettes?”
“ I don’t know. It’s smoked in a pipe, for heaven´s sake!”
“ Your blood pressure seems to be a bit elevated- would you say it´s approximately a pack –a- day habit?”
“ It’s not a habit, it’s a choice, and it’s not packs, it’s tins, and it’s not blood pressure, it’s resentment.”
“ Tins? Hmm, your temperature is subnormal too.”
“It´s 30 degrees in here and I´m wearing a butcher paper. Yes, tins. Sub normal?”
“ Look, I´m just trying to help. How many cigarettes in a tin? 100? 200?”
“None! It´s pipe tobacco”
“OK, how many pipes per day?”
“Three or four, maybe”
“And how many cigarettes in a pipe?”
“Well, I guess if I went insane, like I’m about to, and actually wanted to stuff a pipe with cigarettes, it might hold four or five, without filters”
“Now we’re getting somewhere. So you’re currently addicted to a pack a day of unfiltered cigarettes.”
“What?”
“How many times have you failed to quit?”
“I don’t want to quit. I wish I had a smoke right now!”
“Yes, those cravings are typical. You Know, there are patches that will help alleviate the withdrawal symptoms.”
“What? It’s a pipe. I smoke because I want to.”
Now the doctor arrives. “ I’ve heard you in the hall. Everything OK?”
“ We are just finishing, Doctor. He smokes a pack a day. Unfiltered.”
“Whoa, that’s a lot of cigarettes. You need to quit. We have programs.”
“Look”, I say, standing up to strike a more imposing stance in my big paper towel. “ I’m not quitting smoke. I choose to smoke, I shall continue to smoke and I only regret I didn’t brig a pipe with me to smoke right now.”
“Well then, there’s only one thing left to do,” says the doctor, pulling a latex glove onto his hand. “ Prostate time. Will you excuse us, nurse?””Wait, maybe I could consider to quitting”
“to late for that”
No, wait, let’s talk! Patches you say?”
“You should have thought of that earlier.”
I smoked a lot when I got home.